Hounds of Humanity

“My book club is having quite the culture war right now. Nola wants to ban book selections that have a dog as the main character or even with a dog on the cover. Right. We all know what happens to the dog by the end of the book. She doesn’t want us to ‘feel bad’ about ourselves and our future. Spoiler alert: you have 13 years if you’re lucky. For me, it’s really important to learn about our futures so we can live our best lives and treat other dogs with respect. Imagine not reading ‘Walter the Farting Dog’ because you think you have 20 years left to read it! Second spoiler alert: In the book, Walter is banned from the beach, but doesn’d die, thank goodness — and out here in the world he got banned from some libraries. Good grief!”

Note from Juno:

Old Yeller, Sounder, Marley, that Racing in the Rain dog, even Cujo. The list of dogs who die in the book is endless. But I love these books! My favortite banned books are Captain Underpants —because he has a side kick called Diaper Dog — and Charlotte’s Web.

There is a lot of fear and misinformation about books these days. PEN America is a fantastic organization that “celebrates creative expression and defends the liberties that make it possible.”

PEN America - The Freedom to Write

Note from Juno, the dog behind Hounds of Humanity

“I love a good love story. My boyfriend list is quite long, though I’ve never had one of those “will they or won’t they” situations. We can blame the vet for that. I do think my parents Tango and Turbo had quite a romance despite his many one night stands with dogs with names like Fancy and Ruby and Lola. My mom is documented as his first love. Anyway, my new favorite place is just around the corner from my human’s house and it’s called the LIttle Free Library of Love. It’s a library for romance novels only!!! My tubes almost came untied when I saw it. And romance stories are filled with nice people who love dogs too. I just stopped by to scope things out and contributed a book alled It Started with a Dog — because that’s how free libraries work! There are so many dogs in this story. If you happen to be in Seattle, maybe you can grab the book before someone else does. Check out the link @littlefreelibraryoflove and lighten you day with a good love story. And maybe bring a book about puppy love to contribute!”

“My friends are going to laugh when they hear his but I’m now a climate change activist. I just never cared about human problems. Well it turns out I do need to worry. It’s spring and we have a lot of snow and there wasn’t much snow all winter. That’s scary. And in summer I’m a water dog but lots of lakes and rivers are in danger. There apparently will be more parasites to worry about too. The scariest thing is that my neighbor Bruiser is now on an involuntary vegetarian diet. They are trying to lower his ‘carbon footprint.’ That’s a tragedy. Now he’s always chasing us on the trail and begging for my bacon treats. Talk about a parasite!”

Note from Juno: I used to lounge in a giant SUV when we travelled and now I’m squished into a tiny little car with all the gear. But it’s better than losing my bacon treats. I consider myself a snow and water dog too so I hope they figure it all out!

“It was a real wake-up call after the vet couldn’t find my ribs. I needed to lose 10 pounds — that’s 30 in human weights. Those were some dark days. Forced marches and bland food. But things are so fun now. I had a successful 2-hour food strike and now they’re making me homemade meals. Then I started enjoying the walks. We get healthy treats along the way. They even have to spell out w-a-l-k or I’ll lose my marbles and go get the leash. I try to stay calm when they spell because they seem to enjoy it. They are so proud of my progress. And I’m proud of them. When the dog needs to get healthy it usually means the humans do too.”

Note from Juno: The rib check is a dreaded test! I’ve had a few close calls but I’m pretty active and in my opinion ridiculously underfed. Here are some great tips for making homemade dog food … it’s not so simple trying to meet your dog’s nutrition needs. Please check with your vet too before changing your dog’s diet. I also included another article that is a fun reminder why exercising your dog is beneficial for everyone!

Homemade Dog Food Recipes: Choosing Balanced Ingredients

Dog Owners Get More Excercise

“They say it all the time but I think there is zero percent chance I’m their best friend. There are way too many demands. Off. Down. Leave it. Go potty. How about the rationing of food and the exclusive furniture. Those are super weird best friend behaviors. I feel it’s time for a paradigm shift. I want a seat at the dining table.”

Note from Juno: I love activism. As long as they don’t call for a hunger strike I would love to join the movement. Let’s face it, we can’t all have the qualities of a true human best friend. I do have a fantasy where I have rich humans who die and leave me their castle and all the money. I’ve heard of that happening!

It turns out that some people really prefer the deep bond with a pet rather than a human. Lucky dogs!

When Your Significant Other Has Four Legs and Fur

“Okay okay already. I did do it. The scotch. The chewed cigar. The humping. So what. I like to enjoy myself in an enthusiastic manner. I’d like to apologize for denying it all but I wasn’t aware there were cameras at the party. Don’t you know who I am?”

Note from Juno: I’m very familiar with this sort of apology and I have zero tolerance for it. And yes, I am poking fun at one of our elected officials. I like to shine a light on all the proverbial dog doo getting thrown around out there.

“I used to say I’d give my left nut for a cheeseburger. All the guys laughed. I had no idea it was an actual thing. Not the cheeseburger part. Turns out that’s definitely not a thing.”

Note from Juno: Men, right? As I recall from my own procedure there wasn’t much of an appetite for a cheeseburger that day. One of the few times I haven’t been hungry! Anyway, we’ve covered this before. Spay or neuter your pet! And be sure to buy a cheeseburger for them when they are feeling better.

“I don’t really have much to say right now. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by the view and feeling such gratitude that my humans include me in all their adventures. I don’t a lot of people realize that we have bucket lists too.”

Note from Juno: I am lucky that I have been on so many adventures with my humans. They are visiting national parks right now, where dogs aren’t allowed. I’m staying with one of my humans brothers this summer and I’m checking off bucket list items I never dreamed of. For instance I stole 3 hot dogs at the BBQ party last week. And I’m sleeping on all the guys’ beds. And I’m getting tons of inside scoop that I will never tell my humans when they get back.

Here are some great adventures to do with your dog as recommended by National Geographic!

10 Amazing Adventures to Take With Your Dog

“My pronouns are they/them. Most of us are non-binary by now anyway, right? My buddy Baloo gets really ticked when people ask ‘what’s her name?’ I don’t think he knows he has a pink collar. But he sure needs that pop of color. It looks good on him too.”

Note from Juno: I’ve had pink collars over the years and most people still think I’m a boy. I kind of feel like one too, so I don’t mind. I recently received a reminder for a vet appointment that said ‘looking forward to seeing them.’ It’s probably easier for the staff and they don’t get yelled at by sensitive humans when their pets are mis-gendered!

The Associated Press uses “it” for animals and the Humane Society is working to change that. See some fun info below!

Why Words Matter: Animals and ‘It’ ~ Humane Society

How to Handle Animal Pronouns: He, She, or It?

“My only advice is to absolutely not put “long walks on the beach’ on your profile unless you mean it. It’s not romantic OR adventurous. Sandy fur is permanent. Use keywords and phrases when filling out your adoption papers. ‘Occasionally’ ‘Once a year when car camping’ or ‘Before heading to the dog spa.’ Stuff like that. What I really wanted to do was cuddle by the fire and get belly rubs. I still regret not putting that down.”

Note from Juno: This is a cautionary tale for sure. The sand on her fur is discouraging. I go to the beach about once per year, and I have to say it is so disappointing when you try to drink the water. It’s not even fun to fetch in it.

“I decided it was time we had real leadership in the house and I knew I was the one to do it. So I crossed the aisle and struck a deal with the cats. They sure love chaos. And they don’t care about the family as much as I do. I had to ignore their accusations that I’m giving up my freedom by using a leash. They haven’t seen me chase a garbage truck. I also chose to ignore their nine lives conspiracy theory. If they want to disregard science and spread disinformation, then I’m done explaining bone structure, agility, luck, lifestyle, and folklore. The big concession was giving them the cuddle chair so everyone can watch TV without a brawl breaking out. I definitely have the votes unless that cat that got hit by the garbage trucks last year comes back.”

Note from Juno: I could never negotiate with cats. They make me absolutely crazy. My screeching can be heard for blocks when I run into one in the neighborhood. I think my humans are bit like this when it comes to politics, though I certainly have seen many “cats” at our house.

“I’m quite a history buff. I guess you might say I’m an authority on dogs in America. Right now I’m fascinated with the mid-century suburbanites. They were free rangers. They roamed the neighborhoods without electric fence collars or leashes. Summers were spent chasing bicycles and hanging out with the kids in the cul-de-sac. They stole cans from a thing called “kick the can.” In those days a female in her season could attract suitors from blocks away. All the dogs on the street seemed to be related somehow. Nobody knew what a doodle was. But there were plenty of accidental doodles. Back then they were called mutts. Those humans were sitting on a gold mine and had no idea.”

Note from Juno : I think this is made up. It sounds like paradise! Though I’ve also heard that these dogs tended to sleep outside in dog runs and the food wasn’t as good either.

“I graduated with honors and now I’m going to make sure she does too.”

Note from Juno: This is two-year-old Julia, my new friend who just partnered with her handler, a college junior named Kathrina—who by the way is one of my favorite humans ever! These two honor students just headed back to college in Canada where Kathrina is studying international relations with a minor in Spanish. Have you seen the movie “Pick of the Litter” yet? I’m obsessed. It’s a fantastic documentary featuring an organization called Guide Dogs for the Blind, where Julia recently finished her training. It’s my all-time favorite movie because my humans couldn’t stop crying, which means they were ignoring their popcorn bowls. I love that Julia can play with other dogs like me when she is not on her harness. We had a spectacularly joyful playdate before she headed off to university. The best thing I learned from her is something called “intelligent disobedience.” If her handler tells her do to something, Julia can refuse because she senses danger. She’s already used it once to save Kathrina from stepping in front of a car! As for me, I’m going to practice intelligent disobedience at home. I frequently sense danger for my family’s health when they pull a steak off the barbecue. It would be heroic to intervene, right?

Learn more about Guide Dogs for the Blind and the best movie ever!

Welcome to Guide Dogs for the Blind

Pick of the Litter — Feature Documentary

Here are some links to a wonderful story about an alumni of Guide Dogs for the Blind who led her handler out of the World Trade Center on 9/11.

Guide Dog Roselle Helped Her Blind Owner Escape 911

Criminal Podcast: “Roselle and Michael”

“Why are they still having Zoom meetings. Why aren’t they going back to the office like they promised? Not to be spiteful but back in 2020 I was the star of the company with all my Zoom shenanigans. I had such a tight set. The whole team loved me. Then someone in marketing had a human baby and stole my time slot. Her wardrobe changes are ridiculous. She’s going to start talking soon and then my show biz career will be over.”

Note from Juno: I never get on the video conferences and that’s fine with me. I do hear my humans gushing a lot about babies on the Zoom calls. I need to step up my game! Here are two sides of a useless debate.

The Dos and Don’ts of Online Video Meetings - The New York Times

The New York Times is Wrong, Everyone Wants to See Your Pet on Video Conferences

Note from Juno:

Rest in peace sweet Maya. Our house won’t be the same without you. She crossed the Rainbow Bridge one day short of her 14th birthday. It was an honor to live with the best damn family dog ever. Here are some Maya memories I’ve gathered over the years from my experiences and listening to the family.

“I’m a mad dog but not the kind you think—so don’t go and call Atticus Finch and his rifle. But there’s a reason why I’m not staggering down the street and frothing at the mouth like Tim Johnson or Cujo. It’s because I’m up to date on all my vaccines. I do it so I can live as a civilized member of society.”

Note from Juno: It’s always fun to meet a fellow movie buff. I will add that I think the dogs in those two films were amazing actors. But I’m sure they needed their rabies shot so they could work on the set.

Here is the character Tim Johnson giving a good demonstration of why vaccines are so important!

Tim Johnson - To Kill a Mockingbird

“To say I’m bitter about this human pestilence would be an understatement. I’m completely steamed. I haven’t been to a BBQ in two #$@* years. I was the king of the hot dog eating contest. I could teach a master class in getting the food and blaming the Labrador. I plan to be back on the circuit by Memorial Day if they don’t screw things up.”

Note from Maya: Labradors usually are the easy ones to blame, but my mellow nature prevented me from counter and BBQ surfing. I passed that on to Juno, and we both wish we were less disciplined. We are starving all the time! Here is a great video of a champion food stealer. I’m so jealous.

Dog Becomes Internet Hero After Stealing a Snack From the Grill

Note from Maya and Juno:

Greetings from beautiful Sun Valley! You will not believe who we met in Idaho. The Poop Fairy! She really does exist 💩🧚🏼‍♀️. Erica is Program Manager for the Environmental Resource Center (ERC) here in Ketchum and runs the PUP program (Pick Up for the Planet). PUP works to lessen the environmental impact of unattended dog waste at Wood River Valley trailheads. The Poop Fairy regularly visits to pick up the poop, provide dog waste bags and bins, and educate the community about the negative effects of all those discarded deuces on the trails. And she does so in the nicest way possible! Everyone is happy to see her - she never shames humans, but happily provides a waste bag if they need it.

Sadly, some humans are not only damaging the environment but also our reputations! Leaving poop on the trails is bad for the planet but really disgusting to see or step in on a hike.

💩 Dog waste is the third leading cause of water pollution in the U.S. The bacteria in the poop can also make other dogs sick. It’s so embarrassing to admit this, but Juno finds these frozen nuggets particularly tasty. When she saw the Poop Fairy’s giant garbage sled she was so excited. You would think the Ice Cream truck was rolling through the neighborhood🍦. Trust us, we know lots of other guilty parties.

Here are some poop facts from the ERC:

💩 2-3 days of waste for 100 dogs would contribute enough bacteria to temporarily close a bay to fishing and swimming, and all watershed areas within 20 miles.

💩Unlike wild animals, our poop contains microbes that can be harmful to humans and other dogs including parasites, E. coli, salmonella, and giardia.

💩Wild canine waste is 100% biodegradable because it does not contain preservatives, chemicals, medicines, supplements, or grain. Not so for domestic dogs.

💩Our poop contains high levels of phosphorus and nitrogen, and when added to water, encourages rampant algae growth.

💩The water systems are particularly vulnerable to decomposing dog waste as rain delivers the poops to our rivers and streams—the same rivers and streams we use for irrigation, recreating and drinking!

💩Even if you think you're 💩 don't stink take it from us it does and we don't want to see it on the trails!

If you live in Idaho or visit, you can learn more and contribute to the ERC here:

PUP Program | Environmental Resource Center (ERC)

Or find a way to help in your neighborhood!

“This IS how I look when I’m excited – I’m kind of surprised everyone thinks I look like 🐶. No offense but I’m way cuter than that. I’m certainly not that obedient. Having one’s tongue out all the time is unsightly. So if people want a selfie with me they just need to settle for my excited look and forget about 🐶.”

Note from Juno: This is our buddy Baloo and we think he’s so lucky people think he looks like someone famous. That’s almost as good as being a movie star. One of our humans is a dead ringer for Roger in the animated version of 101 Dalmatians. We even have a framed picture of Roger at our house.

“Here we go again. I guess it’s five o’clock ‘somewhere.’ Unless you want some dog food. Then it’s 5 p.m. Pacific Standard Time. No exceptions. It’s so hypocritical. I’m trying not to call them on it. But I’ve seen lots of pacing, drooling, and whimpering around the wine rake too. Just sayin.”

Note from Juno: Don’t even get us started on that thing when they “fall back” an hour. We shouldn’t suffer for that.

“Yeah, I guess this what you might call ‘giving up’. It’s liberating actually. We don’t even fix our hair anymore.The whole household has sort of thrown in the towel. Don’t stare but that pizza stain on my human’s sweatshirt is from 2 weeks ago. She used to be what they call a “fashionista.”

Note from Maya and Juno: Ah, pandemic life. Our human has been so kind helping us with the Instagram so we hate to say anything unkind. But if we were investors we could go all in on yoga pants and hamburger joints right now.

“In an unfathomable act of voter suppression, Juno and I were unable to vote today. Something about our paw prints not matching up on the ballots.

However, we still live in a country where every human citizen has the privilege and honor tomato their voice heard on Election Day. Please don’t let your people miss this precious right. It really does make a difference.”

Update: Thank you everyone for getting your humans out to vote. The world thanks you!

“I feel the best career would be one where I can give back to society. Maybe something that combines adventure with one of my hobbies, like rolling in stinky stuff. That’s why I’m out here checking out all the sights and smells. Someone told me about a job where you can help Orca whales. Dogs actually go out on boats and sniff for Orca poo and then scientists study the data to help save the whales. Obviously you don’t necessary get to roll in it, but the scientists might drop some when they bring it on board. That would be such a great opportunity. And once you get trained you can branch out into all kinds of other animal poop. It’s my dream job, really.”

Note from Maya: Sheesh. Sometimes I really regret not having a career. I’m sure if I had a life coach they would have suggested this job for me. This is so interesting and sounds absolutely scrumptious!

Dog’s Poop-Sniffing Skills Help Save Endangered Killer Whales

Meet the Dogs Sniffing Out Whale Poop for Science

“So I was born in January and then right away I was at college. It was so fun. We did lots of college stuff. That’s about all I’m gonna say about that. But then suddenly boom we had to move home for the summer. There was a virus or something. So now he’s back to school and the whole gang’s together. Except me. They have the surf and the sand and the sun. I have the parents and rain and Masterpiece Theater. It’s fine I guess but nothing like living with all the guys in the rental house. Doing that college life. I’m hoping to get back to it next semester when it’s safe to go down there. I’m really good for the learning environment. That’s what we’re telling the parents at least.”

Note from Juno: I’ve met up with Ringo a bit during his college hiatus and that dude definitely knows how to have a good time! Man I wish I had a chance to go to college. Good news for Ringo - but sad for everyone else - his college kid is coming home for a bit again due to the virus. I’m hoping these schools can figure out how to continue to educate while keeping the students safe!

9 Best Breeds for College Students: Big Dog on Campus

“Don’t laugh but I think I’m the perfect clone candidate. I’m totally obsessed. All the jerk popular dogs are easy to replace but there’s only one me. I’m serious. I had a litter mate that looked like a collie so you see my point. And I’ve actually broken all the bad habits to improve my chances. Now they’re saying they wish they could clone me. So I’m fairly certain it’s gonna happen. And I’ll be right back, right?”

Note from Juno: It really doesn’t work that way, sadly! I’m generally against cloning but it may come in handy for endangered species for sure. Barbra Streisand did it - but you will need about $50,000 - $100,000 to clone your dog with no guarantees for the same perfect pet. Here is more info, plus a great story about a Brahma Bull named Chance that was so beloved they cloned him and made Second Chance. And it all didn’t turn out quite as expected.

We Can Clone Pet Dogs - But Is That a Good Idea?

If By Chance We Meet Again

“I celebrated Women’s Equality Day this week. It’s the 100th Anniversary of a human woman’s right to vote in our country. And now it’s all equal. Wait, what did you say? Women make up only 24% of Congress and that’s historic? My math may be off but I think that’s less than half of equal. What’s wrong with these people. Maybe they get equality in the workplace. Or in sports. Just like we do. No? Well I’ll bet all the fancy movie stars have it figured out. Maybe that’s where all the equality is. There’s lots of dogs in Hollywood and they’ve got girls playing boys and boys playing girls and no one cares. What?! Are you kidding me? Sheesh. I picked the wrong day to celebrate. So happy belated National Dog Day. Dogs should get the vote!”

Note from Maya: What I would give to vote in this election! But I can’t, because despite the rumors, it’s not an easy thing to do. It’s hard to look at history and realize it was only a century ago that women got this right. And the reasons against it are hard to imagine. Here is some interesting history!

Women Who Opposed the Vote

Why Men Thought Women Weren’t Made to Vote

“Wake up hounds! It’s not a conspiracy theory if it’s 100% true. I may lose every last friend over this but I will not stop howling about it. We have been microchipped! And sterilized! I promise you. Just look at the media and the internet. It’s all there. It’s not fake news. Try to remember. Please don’t go and block or @ me! Educate yourselves!”

Note from Maya: Wow, it really does sound bad when you say it out loud. But let’s try not to fall into the human habit of mixing fiction and hysteria with the truth. I’ve talked a lot about the importance of spaying and neutering. Here is some info on microchipping from the Humane Society. I’m so glad I have mine. I’m 13 now and if I get lost I may not remember how to get home.

High Tech: Identifying Lost Pets with Microchips

“Having a relationship with humans is exhausting. It’s not like we have a choice anyway. They are the most dumbfounding of species. Incompetence and mismanagement have led to a societal unraveling that thankfully has yet to flow into the dog world. And so many have an astonishing lack of empathy for each other. How hard can it be. So many things going so badly. It’s infuriating that we have to rely upon them for our livelihood. What the hell. This didn’t have to happen. It’s all just so embarrassing.”

Note from Maya: What the hell indeed! Get it together humans. You are truly exhausting us.

Note from Maya:

I still believe in humanity but sometimes you humans make it very difficult. I know we can make this world a better place if we listen and learn, and give our time, money, and voices to fight racism.

Scroll down to see these doodles created by the very generous and talented Emily from @creative.empulse on Instagram. She will draw a free custom doodle of your pet if you DM her a screenshot of your donation of any amount to any cause supporting Black Lives. She is amazing! Also follow the link below for an extensive list of resources. Peace and love to all of you.

Anti-Racist Resources

“I always get a bit wistful on Mother’s Day. Is it really the best job ever? They never gave me a chance so how should I know. Apparently it’s the right thing to do. I’m not sure how I would have done. I don’t really love puppies that much. They’re all teeth and so squirmy and weird. But my mom was super awesome. There were 8 of us and we all felt like we deserved the best lives. She put her paw on me a few times to settle me down and that’s for sure why I’m so mellow today. I’ll never forget how she smelled. That’s my best memory.”

Note from Juno: My mom’s name was Tango. It’s a Washington apple variety. I consider Maya the one that raised me though. Putting a paw on a pup is not the same as a spank so it’s all okay. I love this video of a mom calming her pups down as she prepares them for independence.

Experienced Dog Mother Teaches Her Puppies to be Calm

“Things are very unsettling with the humans right now. Without notice or training I woke up one morning changed into an emotional support animal. At most I’ve been known as a spirit animal for underachievers, and quite happily so. Now I’m on call for every family member 24/7. I once dreamt of something bigger for myself but this is so sudden. I’m feeling very angsty about it. Maybe it will seem okay if they get me one of those vests to wear on the walks. Some public recognition for all my hard work would definitely make things better.”

Note from Juno: The demands from the humans during quarantine have definitely gone way up! So far we’re enjoying the long walks and all the homemade food on the kitchen floor. We are anxious for the dog parks to open again. And Maya and I are always happy to provide emotional support. Maybe we can all get vests that say “Quarantine Emotional Support Team”. Here is a wonderful article about how things look from our end.

America’s Pets Can’t Take Quarantine Anymore

“It’s not about the schadenfreude of it all. No need to be smug or spiteful these days. But I am curious how the grooming elite will look soon when they lose their fancy coiffures. All those Teddy Bear and Kennel cuts are going to grow out you know. Ribbons might get dirty and fall off. Impaired vision will be rampant. I’m hoping it bringss us all together. Maybe a little less prancing and a bit more empathy for other breeds. I’ll be the first to throw a compliment someone’s way.”

Note from Maya and Juno:

An advantage to being a Labrador! Though our nails are going to need a trim soon and our human is not a fan of the job. There are all kinds of videos online - and we are sure many more will come along soon - that might be specific to your breed. Here are some general tips we love.

Basic Dog Grooming Tips from a Dog Grooming Professional

“My humans aren’t getting out much so I found some reckless spring breakers to take me for a walk.”

Note from Maya:

Here I am! And wow. Lots has happened since my last post. My people are still walking us on quiet roads. I admit to having a couple of humans who have enjoyed spring break immensely in the last few years, but usually on a quiet mountain instead of a beach. This year I’d chew up all their climbing gear if I saw them partying in a huge crowd when we are all trying to do our part and stay inside. I can’t bear to say it myself but Juno’s favorite hashtag tells everyone to “Stay the F Home”!

“They worry about me all the time but now I’m kinda worried about them. Should they really be leaving the house right now? Are they washing their hands enough? Was that a cough? And is dog food in the big carload of toilet paper and frozen chicken?”

Note from Juno and Maya:

We live in Kirkland, Washington and our hometown was the first in the US to take a big hit from the pandemic but now our whole country is in this together. Hold your humans tight. Happily, social distancing doesn’t apply to us. Sit on their laps even if you’re a large breed. We all need to help our people get through the coming weeks. (Edit - March 26 - the coming months!).

“Last night was insane. Have you ever done catnip? Those cats must be tripping all the time. We all got into it next door during the play date. Then we very slowly wrestled each other and chased rabbits for hours. I don’t even remember walking home. At least I’m out for a walk, right? Never again. Though I did say that last year when they put all that chicken manure in the garden. That was epic.”

Note from Juno: This seems more like a dream than reality. We all want that epic night to brag about now and then, so I understand. But we’ve seen a few drunk or stoned dogs on the internet, and we aren’t thrilled. Accidents happen, but edibles and alcohol should be kept away from pets. Other seemingly safe products around the house and garden should be used with caution. But catnip is fine! I might try some the next time I get insomnia. And I’m researching CBD too.

Catnip is Good for Dogs Too!

Marijuana, Cannabidiol, & Dogs: Everything You Want (And Need) to Know

Fertilizer and Mulch Dangers for Dogs

“I’d like to take Valentine’s Day to empower others to stand up for healthier dog park relationships. You don’t have to roll over just because he’s cute and has the best groomer. Stand your ground. Growl back. It’s your ball. Own it. Don’t let him herd you or hump you or roll you over. Unless you want it of course. But have a safe woof for sure. Be a role model. And remember there are lots of nicer hounds to hang with.”

Note from Maya: Communication is key to healthy relationships. And responsible humans, of course.

“It’s been a couple of months since I figured out I’m a dog. It was right here at the dog park. I thought I was a cat. I’m not making this up. My people always said ‘he’s a cat. He sleeps all day on the couch and ignores everyone.’ They never said ‘he’s like a cat.’ As if I want to learn about metaphors just to communicate with humans. That’s just how we cats roll. I mean they roll. Still getting used to things. Anyway they brought me here to the park and I was stunned, if not a bit offended. I mean, come on. It’s where tennis balls go to die. So I still come but I refuse to partake in the dog stuff. And it’s working out quite nicely. I’m getting the best of both worlds really. I’m actually going to sleep on a pile of clean laundry when I get home.”

Note from Maya: 100% true story. We met at the dog park just as he was sorting it all out.

“Do I look like a dog who’s trying to find my life purpose? I don’t think so. It’s the people who are suffering my existential crisis. First it was agility training but I kept knocking down rings and getting stuck in tubes. Then we did field trial. That was super intense and no way honey will I put a dead bird in my mouth. Now I’m in obedience. It’s like the worst human desk job. They expect you to sit still for hours or maybe minutes and they throw stuff on the ground to try to break you. I’m not going to ignore a hot dog on the floor. Not now not ever. Eventually they’ll figure out I just am what I am. A good dog who goes on walks and sort of listens most of the time and lays around all day and goes to the dog park and sleeps whenever they aren’t doing those things and generally elevates the happiness of the household. So that’s what I’m working on this year. Helping them catch up to my self-actualization.”

Note from Maya: As I’ve said many times before, I’m a Labrador but not a retriever. And my family accepts me as I am. Here is some info about training and not over-doing it with your pup.

How Much Training is too Much Training for Your Dog

Note from Juno: I have a huge dog crush on Bowen Yang (now a cast member on Saturday Night Live) and Matt Rogers from the NSFW podcast Las Culturistas. Maya won’t listen to it due to the language. Their segment “I Don’t Think So, Honey” gives humans 1 minute to rant about a topic. So glad we were able to get a “safe for the dog park” rant from this very chill pooch during our interview.

“Happy Holidays from Hounds of Humanity. We sincerely wish you all the best for the season and the coming new year. I’m turning 13 in April and I’m feeling pretty darn good despite some minor aches and pains, and a few missing teeth. Not to brag, but most people think I’m much younger than I am. But the time has come to turn over some of the responsibilities to my protégée, Juno. I definitely need more rest these days. Juno has kept me young since her arrival 3 years ago and I have to say I helped train her to become the wonderful companion she is today. She’s smart, affectionate, and a good listener. Inspired by skywriters, Juno has the special talent of poop walking in the shape of a J. Every day. I tried an M once, and believe me it isn’t easy. As you can see from the second photo, we need to work on her attention span, so it will be a slow transition. I’m still in charge. Stay tuned! #semiretirement

Note from Juno: Hell Yeah! Finally!

“I like to say we’re a pack, he says we’re a troop. Tomato Tomahto. Nowadays its just so hard to function as an individual. When I was alone out here the solitude almost broke me. Treats and tummy rubs from customers at the store are real tail wagging moments. But they’re so fleeting too. Finally I’m in the relationship I’ve been looking for. He keeps me company and I save him from the jaws of all the confused Labradors and Doodles looking for a squeaky toy.”

Note from Maya: I admit it. During our interview I was completely distracted wondering about the possibility of a squeaker in there.

“My stoke level is super high right now. I got the empty nesters. I was bummed out at first. Squad goals ya know. I was supposed to be stuffing my face with car floor french fries and stinky socks. But a huge love void needs filling here and I’m down to fill it. I guess grandkids may be arriving when hell freezes over so that will be epic. Until then I’m kinda the center of the universe right now. We do everything together. The toys and treats are insane. Their bed fits all three of us. And every day I get to watch them try to find stuff like glasses and keys. They’re so cute that way. I’ll tell you what, life doesn’t get much sweeter than this.”

Note from Maya: My sister Juno is an empty nest dog. I still consider myself the family dog. I definitely feasted on car mat food and stinky socks. Not to be predictable, but I even ate homework. The dog before me got all the high chair food, which I’ve heard is the motherlode. Juno’s treat of choice is a tv remote. I do know that since things got quieter at our house we are now known as “the girls” or “the kids”. The real “kids” roll their eyes at this. Animals are so important for every phase of life!

How Dogs Offer Comfort and Joy in the Empty Nest

“Travel is my passion. I love the mystery of it all. I never know where I’m going and I’m never disappointed when I get there. As a seasoned traveler I’ve developed a knack for the details. I never ride cargo class. It’s certainly cheaper but I’d be a mess when I arrived. I need to be fresh and ready to swim or hike. And I will not settle for anything less than the best accommodations - treats upon arrival and free access to all couches and human beds.”

Note from Maya: This is Beacon, a 10-year old lab rescue living in Idaho. His human Charlotte works for a non-profit that provides outdoor experiences for people with mental and physical disabilities. Says Charlotte: '“ I adopted Beacon from a shelter 7 years ago and he’s been my travel buddy ever since!”

I’ve never been on a plane, surprisingly. I do a lot of my work remotely. I just can’t see myself as “checked baggage”. I’m not sure how Beacon scored a seat but it certainly looks like he’s done it before.

“I’m not worried at all. He’ll be back in just a few minutes. He always comes back. At least I think he does. Did you see him in there? I think it’s only been a minute. Or have I been here all day? Do you mind going in and checking. But don’t tell him I asked you to. And make sure he has a puppaccino when he comes out.”

Note from Maya: I love running into dogs waiting patiently outside a cafe or shop. So many of them seem completely laid back and happy to watch the world go by. Others not so much. I’ll admit to leaving my nose print on the window, especially when there’s a treat coming. I suggest that if you must leave your dog outside a shop - do it for a short stop to get a coffee (and a puppaccino please) - and not for a long lunch. Lots of places allow dogs these days!

“It’s a daily occurrence. I get frustrated waiting for the walk while they read all their texts and social media. Then we go on the walk and they get frustrated with me while I sniff every shrub, tree, and mole hole. But it’s the same thing, right? They have their social network and I have mine. It’s how I keep up with what’s trending in the neighborhood. Who walked already. Where all the cats are. But I think I’m gonna cut back on my constant sniffing. It gets me down and I start stressing. Yesterday I could tell two of my best friends walked together and we weren’t included. And now I’m just obsessing about it all day.”

Note from Maya: This is one of my BFFs, Oreo. She’s my hiking buddy. And we stop and sniff everything on that trail. It’s so insightful! I could go on and on about FOMO and the perils of social media, but we all know our limits I hope! Don’t ask why we sniff everything and we won’t wonder why you stare at your phone all day.

Why Do Dogs Smell Everything?

“Our kitchen has a big framed sign that says ‘Be The Person Your Dog Thinks You Are’. How utterly quaint. Well I think they’re all a bunch of nitwits. Uncivilized, unread, unsophisticated, and certainly unworthy of my esteem. So did I create these monsters? Is it in my power to reserve things? Or am I stuck in a vicious circle?”

Note from Maya: My people claim I always have a look of contempt on my face, but I’m just a bit stoic. I love them to pieces, especially at meal time. Here are some signs that your dog my hate you …

20 Signs Your Pet Hates You

“It was destiny for sure. Their last dog was a German Shepherd. I’m a German Shepherd. They were looking for a good dog. I was looking for good people. They love to hike. I think I love to hike. She loves to garden. I like houses with gardens. Now for the best part. She once had a dog named Gypsy. You’ll never guess what my name is. They should make a movie about us.”

Note from Maya: Gypsy is my second Seattle friend to come from Three Little Pitties Rescue in Texas. As you can see, they aren’t limited to just pitties! Last year they adopted out over 800 animals to families in the Pacific Northwest and New England.

Three Little Pitties Rescue

“Those first 8 weeks were the highlight of my life. Man we had some good times. I was the pick of the litter back then. But the reunion was such a letdown. Everyone’s moved on. I was so excited to talk about my house with the pool but then someone told me they hardly have time to swim. Something about a search and rescue job. A few of them hunt. They said we were born to do the work. I had no idea. Someone else was still wearing his scarf from the pride parade. One gal had some pups before they could get her spayed, so that was tragic. I thought for sure she’d be a mess. She did growl a bit about what a jerk her ex was. But she’s sophisticated and worldly now. Everyone was so interesting. I can’t believe I peaked early and now I’m washed up at 4. I guess I need to get my priorities straight. But for what it’s worth I’m still the best looking.” #shallowswimmer

Note from Maya:

The best reunion advice is not to compare yourself with everyone else. Though I was the sweetest out of my litter. Anyway, other pieces of advice include not drinking and not dancing.

How to Survive a High School Reunion - The New York Times

“Sorry I seem distracted buy I’m trying to spot him. He’ll be here any minute. Today is the day. Last chance. Stay cool. I’m going to walk over there nonchalantly and sniff all his good parts. Not like last time. And all the humiliating times before that. Not growling and flailing my front paws in the air. Maybe he won’t recognize me. I’m bigger now. Perhaps he’ll tell everyone we “met cute” at the Friday market. It really is my last shot.”

Note from Maya:

Getting close to the big crush can be so awkward! Perseverance is super important. If your only regret is that you embarrassed yourself once or twice, that’s success!

Love Actually - Sam’s Run Scene

“If you see a border collie named Mindy I’m not here. It all started when she breadcrumbed me. Then I benched her until we were FBO but she ghosted me and later had the nerve to haunt me. Now she’s zombie-ing me so I’m doing this. I think I’ll call it fencing.”

Note from Maya:

Who knew? Here is a guide to internet dating terms. Good Luck!

Breadcrumbing, Stashing, and Other Internet Dating Slang I Wish You Didn’t Need to Know

“I have a history of whirlwind romances but can’t seem to make a deep emotional connection. Maybe I’m just in love with falling in love. I get swept of my front feet and she’s all I can think about for a day or two. Then the sparks fizzle and we both lose interest. Thankfully my people always seem to know when to swoop in to pick up the pieces and take me home. Last time they bought a big screen TV when I got back. They are so supportive that way.”

Note from Maya:

Hmmm … sounds like his people are getting a bigger reward than he is for all this romance!

“It’s an unfathomable betrayal. Seven seasons. Sixty-seven episodes. Two long years waiting as a family for the final season of Game of Thrones. And now? They’re going to a viewing party tonight over at Nymeria’s house instead. That’s right. The neighbors names their dog after a direwolf. And she’s a poodle. My people will be watching the Season 8 premiere at her house while she sleeps through it. But like a Lannister, a dog always pays her debts. The house will be dark and full of terrors when they return. In the meantime, here’s what I’ve been stewing about the last two years:

Best character ever: The Hound

Top death scene: Ramsay Bolton in the kennels.

Who will become a wight: my people when they get home tonight.

Who will end up on the Iron Throne? Sansa.”

Note from Maya:

I’m all for Arya. Maybe the Hound can be the Hand of the Queen.

Arya and the Hounds Insults (Explicit)

“It’s the most challenging and rewarding job a dog could ask for.  I love the constant training in the snow, honing my digging and sniffing skills.   Napping during work hours is actually encouraged. The sweetest perk has to be the free rides on the gondolas, chairlifts, snow mobiles and toboggans.   Some co-workers even ride in helicopters now and then.  Everyone knows who I am, but I try to stay humble.  And the best views in the world are right outside the office door. So it’s a bittersweet moment, I guess. But the retirement package includes regular visits back up the mountain. And I won’t even need to use my senior discount to ride up on the gondola!” — Kala, 10, retiring member of Cascade Mountain Rescue Dogs at Crystal Mountain, WA.

Note from Maya:

I've always been a stay at home dog, but I love my working dog friends. Cascade Mountain Rescue Dogs are part of the avalanche rescue program based out of Crystal Mountain, WA.  The mission of CMRD is to support the training and care of rescue dogs to be ready for avalanche response anywhere in Washington State.  Kala and her co-workers are B.A.R.K. certified (Backcountry Avalanche Rescue K-9) and start training as puppies alongside their ski patrol handlers.  Kala has been involved in numerous avalanche responses in her long career.  🙏 See the link below to learn more about Cascade Mountain Rescue Dogs. I’ve added some other links to some of my favorite places to visit and see my hard working friends. If you enjoy winter recreation, whether inbounds or in the backcountry, be sure to educate yourself on safety and support your local ski patrol! If you don’t know, DON’T GO!   

Cascade Mountain Rescue Dogs

Avalanche Rescue Dogs - Crystal Mountain Resort

Patrol Dogs - The Search Team of Jackson Hole

Truth, Fairness, Love and Devotion

Note from Maya:

“Just seconds after this photo was taken my dear friend Hildegard landed her first triple toe loop. I’m so proud of her and her hard work. It was truly inspiring. Hilde isn’t granting interviews due to her rigorous schedule but you will hear from her soon enough. She has strong opinions regarding the Game of Thrones final season coming up in April.”

More from Maya:

One of my favorite movies ever is “Sun Valley Serenade” from 1941 starring Olympic figure skater Sonja Henie. Hilde lives in Sun Valley during the winter and I hope she chooses “It Happened in Sun Valley” for the music to her routine. It’s the best part of the movie. Check out the Saint Bernard at 1:36 of the clip!

It Happened in Sun Valley

“Why? Well, to roll on a dead thing is to commune in the nectar of the dogs. Sure it’s primordial and all but for me it requires sophistication. Observe the color and swirl it around in the dirt with your paw. Then put your nose right in and take a good whiff of the bouquet. You may pick up hints of blackberry and forest but more likely fur and fowl. That’s fowl with a W by the way. And then you sweep in neck first. What a world! The final pleasure comes with the discovery by the humans. It’s a thing to behold and worth every second of the bath.”

Note from Maya:

It is truly worth every second! I’m fairly easy around the house but I do get in trouble due to my passion for rolling in all things malodorous. Here’s a great article discussing this most wonderful of hobbies!

Why Do Dogs Roll in Smelly Stuff?

“These millennial pups amuse me. Just look at them. I was brought up by baby boomers. In my day we trained. We sat and then we stayed. They called and we came. We didn’t lose our dignity when the doorbell rang. We did the work and got our reward. These kids get a treat every 5 minutes. You did your business outside? You get a treat. You look cute? You get a treat. Everyone gets a treat. And a sweater apparently.”

Note from Maya: Hmmmm. Any human who doesn’t spoil their dog with treats is probably not a real human, millennial or not. I wouldn’t be opposed to a sweater either. Are millennials more obsessed with dogs? I sure hope so. It just means the world is getting better every day.

Why Millennials Are So Obsessed With Dogs

“I’m a Northwest girl with idealistic tendencies. I stole that line form “the Dharma Bums” by Jack Kerouac. There’s a dog hitchhiking to Nirvana on the cover. I devoured it in one sitting, literally and figuratively. How else was I to get them to switch to the audio book for the car? So much of the literature I’ve consumed defines my life. Walden, Wild, Into the Wild, Call of the Wild, A Walk in the Woods to name a few. I want to be part of a rucksack revolution - climbing peaks and meditating on the nature of our existence with like minded wanderers. I would totally dig that. Anyway … the mountains are calling and I must go. I stole that line from John Muir.”

Note from Maya:

Does a dog have a Buddha nature? Apparently the answer is “mu” , or nothingness. But does that mean no? I’m a sentient being! And closer to enlightenment than my humans. I’m known for my daily yoga stretches and long meditations.

Does a Dog Have a Buddha Nature?

“So what. I’m a little dog with a big personality. I’m not belligerent. I just stand up for myself. The big dogs say I have a Toto complex. I’ll take it. Toto rocked.”

Note from Maya: The Wizard of Oz is one of our favorite movies. Toto did kick some booty.

My human went to a concert once in the 1980’s to see a band called Toto. Apparently they were huge back then. Interesting story about their music this week! #totorocks

A Sound Installation That Plays Toto’s ‘Africa” is Waiting There for You

“Good gracious. So many leaders in the world seem to be struggling. Politics can be quite tumultuous. Might I give some advice? During your elections you must ask one simple question. Do they live with a dog or not? It’s such a good judge of character. An empty dog house implies so much more than the lack of a pet.”

Note from Maya: I guess the Brexit lady claims to be a dog person but doesn’t live with one. Look at all the trouble she is having! I imagine a dog might have helped the German chancellor with all her recent setbacks. But she’s afraid of us. Imagine that. And that Russian fellow has several dogs put apparently they were gifts. I don’t really trust that. Bo and Sunny are my favorite White House dogs because Bo is about my age. Thirty three presidents have owned dogs (many have had multiple dogs) and only two presidents have had no pets at all. Polk and the current resident. And that’s all I’m going to say about that.

Top Dogs at the White House

US Presidents and Their Dogs

“You know what I love about Christmas? Pretty much all of it. Nat King Cole, dog ornaments, baking smells, kids home from college, being on the front of the holiday card with the family, warm feelings with everyone by the fire. Oh and that plate of treats they leave for Santa. He’s always a no show. Which brings me to my never list: Reindeer antlers. Christmas sweaters. Get yourself a little dog for those things. If you put me on the back of the Christmas card - the tree is coming down. And I’ll share my crate with a cat before I sit for a Santa picture. What happened at the mall last year was totally the elf’s fault.”

Note from Maya: I’m always on the back of the holiday card! Good thinking my friend!

“Bedroom eyes. Really? Like I’ve never heard that before. When Duke told me what it meant I just sighed and shook my head. It doesn’t even make sense if you think about it in dog terms. Humans are so predictably banal.”

Note from Maya: I’ve always been a crate girl. So glad to be out of the bedroom now that I’m hearing this.

“I’m her best friend and she’s mine”

Note from Maya: This senior dog is newly adopted and truly is the best companion. One of my favorite Instagram pages is @wolfgang2242. I can’t keep track of the number of senior dogs who live in his home - not to mention a very entertaining pig named Bikini. The gang has a book coming out in 2019. Can’t wait!

Man Adopts 8 Senior Dogs, 2 Cats, Ducks, Chickens, And a Pot-Bellied Pig For One Life-Saving Reason - Huffington Post

“I was utterly gobsmacked to hear the Queen loves Corgis. I think I’m British! I’m royalty! Does she adopt? I have a royal robe! I have jewels! Dog biscuit? I need a tea biscuit! In fact I need another cuppa. I already had six! I’m off to Buckingham Palace. Goodbye America. She’ll be chuffed to bits when I arrive!”

Note from Maya:

My people have a friend who will put an outfit on any dog who visits. So I try to avoid her house ever since the Shirley Temple dress when I was a puppy.

Did you know the Queen’s last Corgi died this year? She stopped breeding them so she wouldn’t leave any behind. She now has two Dorgis.

Queen Elizabeth Loses Her Last Corgi

“My mission is to break down the oppressive barriers of the bourgeois dogiarchy. Today I busted through the gates of their exclusive park and walked beside them as an equal. I have accomplished something no cat, squirrel, or bunny has done here. I will continue the fight. It’s important work.”

Note from Maya:

Yes, I was a little freaked out when I first met the pig, but I’m all about inclusivity.

“Well of course I’m insecure. My name is Scout but my bowl says Buddy. Apparently he was ‘the best dog ever’. He’s in all the family photos. They can’t even say how great I am without declaring “but there’ll never be another Buddy’. The kids actually cried when they came home from college and saw me in his bed. I really do feel loved and all, but he’s a tough act to follow. So if you see any babies that need saving, let me know.”

Note from Maya:

I’m gloating a bit now because I’m the “best dog ever” for my family. And my sister Juno knows it! At first I was ticked that they chose my replacement when I was only 9 - but she keeps me feeling very youthful and I help keep her in line. You can usually find us sleeping on the same very small bed together.

Here are some tips for when to get a new dog. And it includes adding a second dog as your first starts to age.

When to Get a New Pet

“Well, rabid is such an incendiary word. And to be clear, I’m up to date on all my shots. But yes, I’m a rabid Washington Husky football fan. The tailgates are legendary. I hear that most rabid fans sit in something called the Dog Pound. So I don’t go in the stadium. Been there done that.” #bowdowntowashington

Note from Maya:

This is my buddy Beanie. She had some difficult years before finding her rescue home in Seattle. I will tell the story some day. When not following Washington Husky football you will probably find her at a Dave Matthews concert at the Columbia River Gorge. She has a great life.

“Listening to the news these days stresses me out. When I’m overwhelmed, I find peace in the outdoors and think of my favorite poem. “When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be, I go and like down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.” Today I took a deep breath and did not chase a wood drake of a great heron on my hike. Namaste everybody.”

Note from Maya:

That’s me in the picture. The poem is called “The Peace of Wild Things” by Wendell Berry. We went hiking in the woods after we heard about the shooting at a synagogue.

“In my opinion there are only three types of dogs. First, you’ve got your “people” dogs. They’re all about the humans. The belly rubs, the Netflix on the couch, the riding shotgun. Let’s just say I’m not a people dog. I do not suffer fools gladly. Next you have your “dog” dogs. The licking, sniffing, dog park ravaging mud wrestlers. SFP. Strictly for puppies. After that it’s a waste of time. Finally you have your A-list ~ the “ball” dogs. You put your people to work for you. You must make them value the ball as much as you do. You need physical stamina and laser focus. Bring the ball back every time. Take long naps even when you’re not tired. If you over-obsess they will hide the ball and try to make you a people dog. Don’t let that happen. Pester, Fetch, Sleep, Repeat. That’s it.”

Note from Maya:

I’m strictly a people dog these days. But I was a dog dog until just recently. I’m not sure this guy knows what he is talking about. People dogs are definitely the A-listers. A good belly rub while binge watching Ozark on Netflix is better than a ball any day.

“Yes, of course I knew him. He tried to hump everyone and everything at obedience school including the humans and the stuffed demonstration puppy. When I found out he won best in show last week I wasn’t surprised - his people are very good at this. But I’m still hopeful. A reliable source tells me there’s a cone in his future.”

Note from Maya:

My sister Juno is 2 and she is one of the toughest females I know. She gives me hope for the future.

“Last night’s book club at our house was a fiasco. It was so hard to follow the plot. Did they read James Joyce? No, someone went to Ireland this summer. The next Gone Girl? Nope. Just a mom who was apparently going to murder the calculus teacher. Infinite Jest? Imagine my excitement when they started talking about tennis. Wrong again. No one even read a book. I’m still steamed about it. Next year I’m just going to hope for a few drops of white wine off the hardwoods and call it a victory.”

Note from Maya:

This is not based on anyone I know! But I can sympathize - you might get book club at your house only once a year, and for most of us that means just 13 or 14 chances in our lifetime to listen to the conversation. My personal favorite was East of Eden. What a potboiler.

Book Club Trouble has Little to Do with Books

“I call it ‘alpha dog’. She calls it "‘toxic masculinity’. I know better than to bark back and prove her point. And it’s no fun sleeping on the tile floor. Can anyone help me figure out how to get my tail between my legs?”

Note from Maya:

Someone mentioned his harness makes him look a little less masculine than he would like to be.

“Good breeding requires me to treat admirers with the utmost civility, but it can be tiresome. Adding to the problem is my raw food diet, so I smell amazing. I can barely take a turn around the park without some tail wagger trying to sniff me in the most disagreeable manner. And proper etiquette obliges me to sniff them back. It is the most intolerable of customs.”

Note from Maya:

I’m a huge Jane Austen fan and thank goodness my family likes audiobooks in the car! This guy reminds me of Mr. Fitzwilliam Darcy, and only if he is played by Colin Firth’s dog.

“So what you have to understand is that I’m super intense. I like things orderly. To a fault, really. All my toys are in a neat row. My blanket corners need to line up with my crate before I go to bed. I do my business in the same place every day (after three turns). They show this stuff off like I’m a superstar! Then just once - trust me on this - I try to alphabetize their snack shelf and suddenly I’m the bad dog. It’s the weirdest thing. After all I’ve done for them they still don’t get me!”

Note from Maya:

Boy I wish I had thought to pretend I was organizing the pantry!

Sometimes dogs develop obsessive habits that aren’t funny. Here are some of them and some tips for helping:

9 Dangerously Obsessive Dog Behaviors

“I’m not really sure what’s bother me. The dog park is normally my happy place. We aren’t even leaving early. I chased tons of friends. I begged free treats off a few strangers. And I rarely get the front seat so that’s a bonus. I don’t know. Maybe its because I saw Mocha and right now she’s clearly into a labradoodle named Webster. Who can compete with that hair?” #romcom

Note from Maya:

I just love a good romance. I’m on Team Charlie, pictured here. He’s cute! I imagine Webster is too … but usually the one with the great hair loses to the heart of gold in the end. I don’t know Webster but I hope he ends up at the groomers soon!

15 Great Movie Love Triangles

“I’m sort of anxious all the time. I love my new home but the whole adoption thing can make you insecure. I think other dogs make mistakes in the house or bark and it’s considered normal. Families even blame themselves. It’s just different after you’ve been in a few foster homes. Everyone wants to know if you have any issues. It seems like there’s a higher standard. Now I’m in the best place ever and no one is judging me. But I just can’t stop worrying.”

Note from Maya:

I wasn't a rescue pup but I did many naughty things when I was a young and figuring things out. I can’t imagine trying to get adopted if someone knew about all the beautiful shoes I ate. I’ve learned so much about adoption since I started Hounds of Humanity, and met so many wonderful rescue friends and their people.

Here are some things to think about no matter how you find your next pet:

The Adoption Process: Questions to Ask Yourself

“This may look like the dog days of summer but the truth is I found the last doggie downer from the 4th of July and I’m feeling super chill right now.”

Note from Maya:

Some of my best pals need a little something to calm them down during the fireworks. I usually manage though I hate thunder.

I love that the dog days of summer are related to the super cool Dog Star Sirius.

Why Do We Call Them the ‘Dog Days’ of Summer? - National Geographic

“It’s quite a story really. We met at the dog park when we were one. We had an immediate bond and suddenly both got goosebumps. Same birthday, same mom and dad ... it turns out we really were sisters from the same litter! Our people were just as surprised. Now we hang out all the time. It’s just like The Parent Trap only more realistic.”

Note from Maya:

This is a true story.

This is not:

Parent Trap Camp Scene

“I first saw the Prairie Dog pose demonstrated on your @houndsofhumanty Instagram and it has been absolutely transformative for my water yoga. You just can’t do Downward Dog in the river”. #namaste

Note from Maya:

I do a mean Downward Dog. Someday I will share!

“We are so super envious seeing little dogs in their adorable vests and rain coats. Being a fashionista in a fluffy body is tragic. I would just kill to wear a designer jean jacket with my name in rhinestones. Then THIS happened. It’s everything we ever hoped for.” #suckitgwenyth #gamechanger

Note from Maya:

I feel this way too. All I get is a bandana after a bath. I wonder if there is a color that would look good on me?

“I’m thinking about getting my DNA done but I’m nervous about the results. It would be fun to know my ancestry but I don’t want it to change who I am. My friend Rusty just found out he is 9% Border Collie and now he calls himself a Border Collie mix. Suddenly he’s trying to herd everyone and calls himself a “working dog”. It’s embarrassing.” #39andme

Note from Maya:

I don’t need a DNA test. My people have done it though, with some funny results. My human dad thought he was German but turns out he’s British. None of us were surprised because he looks just like Roger, the dad in 101 Dalmatians.

“It’s called Prairie Dog Pose. It balances my chakras and releases negative energy. I haven’t barked or chased a car since starting my practice two years ago🙏.”

Note from Maya:

Practicing in Barcelona, Spain.

“It’s not where I imagined I’d be as an artist at this point - but I’m not one of those tortured, melancholy types either. Heck, at least I’m at the Guggenheim. And let’s face it, the act would be nothing without me.”

Note from Maya:

Hang in there! Art isn’t easy.

“I consider myself a great dad actually. I see 3 of the 67 on a regular basis - none of my friends can say that. It’s hard to express the joy of watching your pup grow up. When little Ruby placed 4th in obedience class I was bursting with pride. She’s an old lady herself now. Max and I used to wrestle for hours when he was little. And Juno? She’s so active she wants nothing to do with me - but she’ll come around after she turns 10 next year.”

“I just love sitting here at work and watching the world go by. I know everything about everyone. Like how many Starbucks you drink or if you have too much wine at lunch. I know who goes to yoga but also who dresses for yoga and buys donuts instead. (More than you think.) I saw a bank robbery once! Some days I spend hours just judging fashion. Mostly though I love to imagine every person’s story and what kind of dog is at their house. Sometimes I actually get to see the dog and those days are the best. And you say I’m the one living in a fish bowl!!”

“There is no way I could have jumped on the counter and eaten all that lasagna. I definitely did not barf and poop everywhere afterwards! I’ve run out of cats to blame. I can pardon myself, right? But I definitely didn’t do it.”

Note from Maya:

This is my cousin Joy. She’s totally guilty.

“I think the dog park book of the summer will be ‘The Girl Who Knew Too Much But Saw a Squirrel and Forgot It All’ - a twisty psychological thriller that left me panting. It’s a sequel to ‘The Bloodhound’s Wife’. Alternating points of view, razor sharp character development (including a terrifying garden gnome), unreliable narrators, a completely ticked off neighbor, and an ending that will absolutely shock you (if you’re wearing your collar). I haven’t been in the backyard since I finished it.”

“Did I see the Royal Wedding? Oh gosh yes - every minute. I did a quiz online and Prince Harry is my spirit human.”

“Enjoy it while you can - they grow up so fast and then they’re gone. You think they’ll be with you forever but those 8 weeks fly by so quickly. Mother’s Day is difficult because not one has visited since they moved out. They don’t even recognize me anymore. Of course, I never saw any of their fathers again either.”

Note from Maya:

My mom’s name was Jazz. Everyone at her house is named after an apple. Jazzy was super mellow, just like me. Also didn’t retrieve or hunt. These traits are also known as “the best dog ever”.

“Privileged? I wouldn’t say so exactly. But these days it’s all ‘rescue’ this and ‘shelter’ that. No one gets excited when they see me anymore. Private hunting parties in the country, gun clubs, exclusive hook ups with only the best of my breed - it’s all a source of shame now. Is it my fault that when there’s a ball in the air I just naturally assume it’s for me? When did that all change?”

Note from Maya:

I’m working on it. It’s difficult to acknowledge but I’m listening.

“I’m homeless again, but I’m a survivor. I’ve spent time in lockup and I vow it will never happen again. First time was for eating the Manolo’s - got out quickly but was back after cleaning out the prime rib from the warming oven at the new place. My last transgression? The whole paint can debacle. I ran away before they could send me back. The young guys going in have no idea. They do unspeakable things there.”

“My biggest regret? I guess I’d say it was not hopping in the van with the guys when they left for Woodstock. I actually made fun of them for wanting to roll around in the mud for three days. I ended up at Asbury Park seeing Zeppelin that weekend. And the thing is, it was the best show of my life but I’ll always think about what I missed up north.”

Note from Maya:

Woodstock was many dog generations ago. We all wish we had the chance to hop in that van.

13 Things You Didn’t Know About Woodstock

“I have a hard time getting over the fact that I hate my name. I mean what’s the point of calling me Marshmallow when I can’t even eat one. My friend Khalesee always tells me to shut up and be thankful they don’t get HBO.”

“I figured out if I barked all day they wouldn’t leave me alone in the apartment. Then we ordered a cool vest off the internet and now I get to go everywhere! That’s how I got to see Hamilton.” #sorrynotsorry

Note from Maya:

Would you bring an Alpaca to a museum as your emotional support animal? Oh the places I would go!

The Confusion About Pets - New Yorker Magazine

“Yea, I’ve still got mine. But no one, and I mean NO ONE goes into heat anymore. I was born in the wrong era.”

Note from Maya:

Cry me a river dude.

Why You Should Spay or Neuter Your Pets

“She’s a Bernese Mountain Dog, but I identify as a rescue mutt from LA. I would just love to chase frisbees at Venice Beach. I hate the cold.”

Note from Maya:

I may be a lab but I’ve never been a retriever. The good thing is that nobody ever tried to make me one.

“The first time I tried it was after we got a new dog. I would never eat my own, but puppy poop is super pure. Every day I vow I’m quitting but then I do it again. My family is working hard to get me to stop, so I’m staying as quiet as I can, keeping secret stashes in the yard.”

Note from Maya:

This is one of my BFFs. The struggle continues.

“She was a beautiful golden retriever and a friend of the family. I only saw her on vacations and never noticed her until I heard she had my picture above her water bowl. Then I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I loved the way her tail and hips swayed so delicately to her own beat. Long walks on the beach, cuddling by the fire - she even let me devour her dinner. Then one year they came and she wasn’t with them. I still can’t believe it. I miss her every time I walk on this beach. Mostly I miss the extra food.”

Note from Maya:

This is my friend Sigi’s boyfriend Cody. What a hunk, right?

Photo courtesy of Cody’s human, Suzanne!

“My favorite story is ‘After I Was Thrown in the River and Before I Drowned’ by David Eggers. I know, it sounds depressing but for me it’s joyous. It opens with “OH I’m A FAST DOG. I’m fast-fast. It’s true and I love being fast I admit it I love it. You know fast dogs. Dogs that just run by and you say Damn! That’s a fast dog! Well that’s me. A fast dog. I’m a fast-fast dog. Hoooooooo! Hooooooooooooo!” I could read that over and over. And you know what? Of course it sounds tragic, but it’s not. You should read it. “

Note from Maya:

This is my favorite story too. And I’m not a fast dog. I take things slow. Read the story here:

After I Was Thrown In the River and Before I Drowned by David Eggers

“I never really questioned traditional gender roles. As a female, I know I’m a bitch. My mom was a bitch, my grandma was a bitch, all the women in our family. I was raised that way and it never occurred to me to challenge it. Then I went to a dog show. Do you know what male dogs are called? Dogs! That’s why I march.”

Note from Maya:

I’m working on my own scarf for next year’s march!

“I struggled as an actor for a long time. My biggest role was in Waiting for Dogot. I’m not really sure why, but things got pretty dismal. I was unable to move forward in a meaningful way. Now I just wait for the phone to ring. Time will tell but I’m not feeling very lucky these days.”

Note from Maya:

Lucky is my favorite character in the play. He has a leash and drools. He doesn’t say much but when he does speak, it’s a real showstopper.